9/11 Reflections

As I do every year on 9/11, I try to spend the day in silence and prayer. That's hard these days, but I try. I try and remember where I was that day, what was happening and what I was feeling. I also think about who I am today in comparison to who I was 18 years ago.

In many ways I'm the same person, but in many ways I'm very different. I think 9/11 was somewhat of a turning point for me in my spiritual life because it caused me to look at the world differently. It made me realize that even though our world is full of unimaginable evil, it is also overwhelmingly bursting with good, if we just choose to see the good that exists. In order to do that, we have to start with the self and look at our world from the inside out. And we have to be willing to see the world through God's perspective and not man's. I don't want to hate anymore. I don't want to be angry with the injustice, hatred and hypocrisy that I see around me anymore. And I want to love my enemies; personal and global.  

No doubt, the atrocities of 9/11 were the most horrific event that most of us have ever witnessed and God willing, ever will again in our lifetime. Watching the news coverage from that day still causes my heart to race, my throat to tighten up and my eyes to well up as I watch in helpless disbelief. It sickens me that we live in a world where such disregard for human life can be magnified on such a tremendous scale. And as I mourn for those who lost their lives, and the people who still deal with the scars of that day, I can't help but contemplate how it is that I should react in the face of such blatant evil.

Jesus says in Matthew 5:43-44 "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Those are not easy words to read when remembering 9/11, are they? Paul repeats this idea in Romans 12:14 when he says, "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them." This is not a concept that comes naturally to us when we see the images of innocent Americans leaping 1300 feet to their death, rather than burning alive. They aren't exactly the sentiments we feel when watching the Twin Towers crumble to the ground. These words from the New Testament don't instantly fill us with feelings of compassion and love, causing us to break out in prayer for those who would like nothing more than to see the events of 9/11 repeated again and again all across the world. But there they are. In black and white. We hear them over and over, read them time and time again, and yet the truth remains exactly the same as they did when Christ spoke them over 2000 years ago. And the question still remains, "How are we going to respond?"    

This morning I checked out social media for just a few minutes to read what was being said in remembrance of 9/11, hoping to hear some encouraging words of unity. At a time when our country seems to be more divided than ever, one would hope that at least for today, we might be able to let go of our differences. But within seconds, I began to read the most angry, hate filled words that I have seen in a long time being directed toward our Muslims brothers and sisters. I sat here and wondered to myself just how this kind of hatred toward an enemy can still exist after 18 years. Sure, the pain still exists. We still mourn those who were lost and are sickened by the evil that was carried out against this country. I'm the first one to admit; the pain is still very real to me. But to harbor hatred in such a fresh and passionate fervor is beyond my comprehension.  

This weekend I decided to go for a walk at a local nature preserve. I just spent the time meditating, thinking and listening to the sounds around me. I decided to explore for a while, and hiked out into the brush. When I came back to the main path and cleared a small hill, I startled a small doe causing her to freeze instantly. As she stared me down, I froze as well and waited to see what she would do. I wanted her to know that I wasn't a threat so I showed her my hands. As ridiculous as it might sound, I even waved at her, hoping that she would remain calm enough for me to watch her for a while. Man, she was beautiful!  

Not only did she remain, but amazingly she began to walk toward me. Just a few steps at first. Then a few more. She would stop for a few seconds, eating grass and checking out other sounds on her right and left. Before I knew it, she was only about 10 feet away from me. I was amazed at how calm she was in being so close to me. Just her and I, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze that surrounded us. It was a holy moment and I thanked God for the blessing of being there. And in that moment, I found myself thinking of barriers and how easy it is to break them down. For all practical purposes, I was this doe's enemy. I mean, we all remember Bambi, right? But something bigger was going on with this animal. She remained calm. She wasn't afraid. For whatever reason, she trusted me for that moment and didn't run off until I got lazy and tried to sit down.  

I wonder what would happen if we allowed ourselves to trust one another more often. Regardless of how much evil we might be capable of inflicting on one another, if we take the first step and show love to our enemy, we might be surprised at their reaction and how willing they are to try as well. When you stop and think about it, love is really the only solution we have towards peace. I wonder what it would be like to be patriotic, but humble and loving as well. I wonder what it would be like to rise above evil and see life as precious and fragile, not only for ourselves, but each person in this world that God created. And when we do this, we might see more glimpses of what the Kingdom of God is like and the way our world was supposed to be in the first place.

    

Over There

It's easy for us to desensitize ourselves to death when it's "over there".  The memories of 9/11 are difficult for Americans because we saw it happen here. The people that suffered and died were familiar. They were like us. They were us.

But when we allows ourselves to move out of the insulated conditioning that most of us live with, we see the world differently. When we see life through the perspective of the Kingdom of God, we realize that "they", "those people", the ones "over there", are familiar as well. They are like us. They are us.

This is an email that I received this last year from a dear friend of mine, and fellow Franciscan brother. Feel the pain that he is feeling because he has chosen to see the world through this perspective. As I said in my previous blog, when we allow ourselves to mourn the loss of life anywhere in this world, the Kingdom of God is realized just a little more than it was before.

Hello All:  Asking for you to remember me in prayer today.  I believed I had made it through the 9/11 memorials without personal incident.  I avoided all references to the occasion.  But this morning as I read facebook and emails from yesterday I had a huge upwelling of anger and frustration.  I struggle with my friends and countrymen's obsession with our own losses, ignoring the massive loss of innocent life our acts of retribution have caused.  My mind flashed back to entering Baghdad in the first few days of "liberation" and seeing the city covered in small black mourning banners.    Individual families had made these banners to announce the death of a child, daughter, mother or some loved one. Estimates are 140,000 innocent civilians died in Iraq directly from warfare, the secondary death numbers are estimated at up to a million.  I have a banner I picked up from a ditch that I keep in a box in the back of my closet in memory of my complicity in the death of all the innocents.  I will carry that memory with me forever.  I try to see the experience as an uncomfortable blessing and guidance from God.  I thank you for your patience in allowing me to express my feelings this day.  Please pray for my anger to subside and that the love of Christ fills me today so that I can be a reflection of Gods love to all I encounter. 

Thank you. God Bless.

Shalom or Pax?

For me, the most memorable aspect of 9/11 is the expressions of anger and hatred. It's easy to be angry, and quite understandable considering what we all witnessed. But each year since, as we remember those who lost their lives, as well as those who have given their lives in war, I have found myself no longer choosing to feel anger. There is no one that I choose to hate. Instead, I feel a profound sense of sadness. Sadness because of how fallen and dark our world can be. Sadness that sometimes evil has it's way with us, overwhelms us and for a while, wins.   

Last year, a friend of mine offered some very wise words in how we can honor those who died on 9/11, those who have given their lives in war and those who have lost loved ones since. Rather than choosing anger and hatred toward those who choose to hate us, let us choose to follow the words of Christ and return that hate with love and prayer. As contrary as it is to our nature, this is the only way to truly honor them. Why? Because it's the only thing that will lead us to true peace: Shalom. And is that not what they would want for this world? 

Shalom is a perfect peace not dependent on circumstances and a peace that God intended each of us to have from the beginning. We may not realize it, but we posses this deep in the recesses of our soul. This is what Jesus was talking about when He said: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." We so often base our lives and rely on worldly peace: PAX, a peace as the world knows it. This is peace that is dependent on circumstances and as we all know, that peace can be blown away by a few planes and crumbling buildings.

The only way to for us to end violence, war and terror in this world is for us to choose shalom rather than pax. As it is each year on the anniversary of 9/11, my prayer is that we can find a way to release the anger that we cling to. Regardless of how vehemently our natural spirit fights in contrast to this, let us choose forgiveness and love. Let us lose ourselves and be consumed with prayer, not dreams of hatred and vengeance. Let us choose to promote true and lasting peace.    

Shalom 

9/11 Reflections - The Kingdom of America or the Kingdom of God?

Yesterday seemed to have a "feel" to it. Every year, on this solemn anniversary, it's as if a cloud descends upon my world, and the events seem to be happening in real time. Similar to Christmas Eve, the day seems to be magically alive, but not with expectation and joy, but with heavy meditation and sadness. The anniversary of 9/11 has always been a very reflective day for me. I always find time to meditate, pray, and talk with others about what we've learned from such a culture-altering event. I remember that Tuesday morning as if it happened yesterday. I remember exactly what I was doing, as I sat at my desk. I remember how the sun looked as it crept through the trees outside my office and through the window. I remember thinking that it looked and felt like Fall, although it was still very hot and humid in typical South Texas style. I remember receiving the first email about the first plane that hit the World Trade Center, and not paying much attention. And I remember the feeling of darkness I felt as I began to realize what was happening when the second plane hit. 

I also have memories that leave me feeling a little empty, saddened and a little angry. Looking back, I remember the "pep rally" atmosphere that seemed to develop almost overnight, including in the Church. Churches of all denominations began pumping their fist, chanting, "USA! USA!, wearing red, white and blue and covering the cross with the flag. When I heard the news of the first attacks on Afghanistan, I spoke to a pastor friend of mine to discuss what was going on. His reaction, "Light 'em up, baby! Light 'em up!" My heart sank, I sheepishly said, "Yeah! Right!", and quickly made an excuse to leave. But I'll admit, part of me was sharing his emotions at that time.

"Light 'em up, baby!" Think about that for a second. Like most people at that time, my friend was excited that America was retaliating. It's somewhat natural to take joy in the vindication of the evil that had been inflicted on so many innocent people. But what he was not considering was that at that very second, people were dying. His first reaction to the bombing of human beings, and what would become the beginning of a long period of war and death, was excitement. Yes, at that time, many of these people were our enemy, but whether we want to admit it or not, innocent children were dying, women were screaming and holding their babies, and men who had nothing to do with their country's politics, were doing their best to protect their families. That's the reality of war. That's the reality of a fallen world.  The same fallen world that saw the death of thousands of innocent Americans.  

Now, don't get me wrong. The events on 9/11 were tragic, and unfortunately, America had to react in some form of retaliation. I'm not advocating pacifism. I feel the same pain and sadness as any American at the loss we suffered.  What I am questioning is our "reaction"; reactions to war as Americans, specifically those of us that call ourselves followers of Christ. The Church. The Body of Christ. Should we react to war as if it is a football game? Should we cheer on the sidelines, hoping that our opponents get their skulls crushed as we rush down the field of enemy territory to victory? Or should our reaction be more solemn? Should we pump our fists in the air, chanting, "USA! USA!", or should our fists be folded in prayer, asking God to protect the innocent and allow peace to return to His kingdom quickly? Should we be so quick to wave the flag before we lift up the cross? Should our reaction be hatred for our enemies, or a nation, or should we consider the words of Jesus Himself who said, "But I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you," (Matthew 5:44)  Those are radical words.  Difficult words.  Ridiculous words.  But that's what Jesus' Kingdom is all about.  Foolishness. 

You see, for Christians of this nation, America is not our kingdom. America did not invent Christianity and Jesus was not from the Heartland. War should not be a sporting event and we should not be so quick to pray for our team to win. Instead, should we not pray for an end to war? Should we not pray for not only the safety and protection of our country, but also the safety and protection of the world? Because whether we want to admit it or not, the entire earth belongs to the Kingdom of God. Americans, Iraqis, and Afghans are all human beings that God created. He wants ALL to be saved, not only Americans. (See 1 Timothy 2:3-7) And guess what? Even terrorists are in need of redemption.


After things settled down on 9/11, I left work and made my way to a prayer meeting at a friends house. I stopped in HEB to grab a drink and an energy bar for lunch. As I walked out, an old woman was walking toward me, weeping hysterically. She could have been my grandmother and I felt tears in my own eyes forming. As I got closer to her, she grabbed my arm and through her sobs, she began to say, "Did you see what they're doing in New York?! Did you see what their doing to us!?" I was in tears at this point and I just nodded my head. Then she said something that sums up my feelings this morning. "Just pray. OK? Please, son. Just pray."

Pray. Just pray.  This is the first year that i can honestly say that I forgive those that attacked our nation.  I can honestly say that I love them; not because of what they've done or haven't done, but because of who they were.  I love them because I see hopeless lives that came to a tragic end leaves behind a legacy of evil.  I'm saddened because I have a glimpse from God's eyes and see people that He wanted to follow Him, but drifted about as far as a human can from the true God.