Lonley Day

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to feel completely alone, even while in the presence of hundreds of people?  You walk through bustling crowds, all the while feeling like you are surrounded by some kind of invisible cocoon.  Everyone seems to have purpose, direction, importance; none of which seem to be connected to you in any way.  Inwardly, we can feel utterly alone, even though our external surroundings reveal anything but.  Henri Nouwen says in his book, The Wounded Healer:

"We live in a society in which loneliness has become one of the most painful human wounds. The growing competition and rivalry which pervade our lives from birth have created in us an acute awareness of our isolation. This awareness has in turn left many with a heightened anxiety and an intense search for the experience of unity and community. It has also led people to ask anew how love, friendship, brotherhood and sisterhood can free them from isolation and offer them a sense of intimacy and belonging. All around us we see the many ways by which the people of the western world are trying to escape this loneliness….

But the more I think about loneliness, the more I think that the wound of loneliness is like the Grand Canyon – a deep incision in the surface of our existence which has become an inexhaustible source of beauty and self-understanding. The Christian way of life does not take away our loneliness; it protects and cherishes it as a precious gift. Sometimes it seems as if we do everything possible to avoid the painful confrontation with our basic human loneliness, and allow ourselves to be trapped by false gods promising immediate satisfaction and quick relief. But perhaps the painful awareness of loneliness is an invitation to transcend our limitations and look beyond the boundaries of our existence. The awareness of loneliness might be a gift we must protect and guard, because our loneliness reveals to us an inner emptiness that can be destructive when misunderstood, but filled with promise for him who can tolerate its sweet pain… We easily relate to our human world with devastating expectations. We ignore what we already know… that no love or friendship, no intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, commune or collective, no man or woman, will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition. This truth is so disconcerting and painful that we are more prone to play games with our fantasies than to face the truth of our existence."  

Loneliness can be both a blessing and a curse.  And this is possibly why so many of us avoid community.  For it is when we are thrust into community that we are confronted by the fact that isolation can no longer coexist with healthy and loving community.  We are drawn to explore what has caused us to embrace isolation in the first place, and this usually means having to face some demons that we've avoided for a long time.  In many ways, community is the antithesis of isolation; still promising troubles and even pain, but also with the promise of unity.  

The above video by System of a Down seems to really seems to capture the feeling of isolation that exists in so many pockets of our culture today.  Only when we decide to come out of our self-made cocoons, will we begin to see that real community is possible.  But we have to take the chance together.  Community cannot be accomplished within the vacuum of self, but can only be found when we join others in mutual isolation.  Then we begin to realize that we not only share some of the same sort of feelings, but also begin to see our feelings of isolation diminish.  Community is a picture of life in it's fullness.  Isolation is a shadow of death. 

Although the world around us can encourage isolation, especially as technology seems to draw us further inward, I don't believe that this is what God created us for.  I believe that God created us to live in healthy communities together, sharing our life journeys.  Especially for those that follow Christ, community holds a special place of importance because we are part of something larger:  the Body of Christ.  Rather than figurative, this is a living breathing organism that only functions at full capacity if all members are fully connected.  This is why isolation can be so debilitating.  When we are removed from the living Body that we are naturally supposed to be part of, we feel the pain of separation, just as one would with the loss of a limb or an internal organ.  When isolated, we feel sick, irritated, angry, frustrated, sapped of energy and less than human.          

In the Gospel of John, Jesus paints one of the most beautiful pictures of community found anywhere.  When Jesus says,"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”, it is not simply a sentiment that the disciples were to carry in their hearts for one another.  But this command comes after Jesus humbles Himself to wash His friends' feet.  He calls His friends to "love one another" only after He has physically shown them what love really means.  And that kind of love cannot exist in isolation, but only within the presence of loving community that is willing to put others first.     

Five Stories - Part V

“Love one another”. Three simple words. A simple call to action that Jesus gave his disciples just before He physically left this world. It’s funny how such simplicity can have such a huge impact in your life. When I first began writing these “Five Stories” blogs, I was spending several evenings just observing people. Hanging out in my favorite Starbucks, I sat, watched, listened and sipped on iced coffee. Observing culture. Thinking. Praying. But I found that as my thoughts transformed into words on my laptop, my heart began to transform as well. And more importantly, my thoughts about God began to change. They began to expand and yet also simplify. Grasping who God is and how He functions in our lives is not easy, is it? And as I began to meditate and study about what Scripture says about love, I began to see that grasping what love is, and how it functions in our lives is not any easier.

The Bible is filled with literally hundreds of references to love. So I guess it should be no surprise that one of those references simply reads, “God is love.” (1 John 4:16) And the simplicity of those words makes me wonder. Perhaps by expressing something so familiar, God is giving us a glimpse of the unfamiliar. Could it be that God and love are so intimately intertwined that this attribute encompasses all that He is? His very existence? God in a nut shell, so to speak? Kind of puts a different twist on the whole “love your neighbor as yourself” thing, doesn’t it? (Matthew 19:19) But think about that for a moment. I don’t know about you, but it becomes very difficult to love others when we are constantly obsessing over our own imperfections. Loving ourselves does not come easily these days; especially when media inundates us with how imperfect we are. And as I write this, I point the proverbial finger right back at me.

Well, the final story of “Five Stories” revolves around a little Asian woman that seems to live on the fringe of society. She frequents my local Starbucks and although I’ve seen her many times, I don’t even know her name. She appears out of nowhere, and then just like that, she just disappears. Sometimes she smiles and makes eye contact, looking just as normal as the next person. Other times she looks disheveled and just stares blankly into space. She’s an older woman and doesn’t really talk. I’ve tried several times to start up a conversation, but usually I just get a smile and maybe a brief “Hi”. To be honest, I didn’t even know if she spoke English. But after being inquisitive, as I usually am, one of the regular baristas at Starbucks confirmed that she did. But what catches my attention most is her erratic behavior. Sometime she’s there, and other times she’s not.

After a little more investigative work, I learned that this woman has severe mental problems and wanders around the area on a regular basis. Sometimes she talks with the baristas, and other times she just sits there. Her family usually comes to get her and bring her home, but most of the time she just sort of wanders around. She takes medication that apparently has a huge effect on her mental state. One day she made her way into someone’s open car, apparently just to take a load off. I laughed when one of my barista friends told me of how the customer came to the counter and asked, “Umm, could you please ask this woman to get out my car?”

“Love one another”. How does this connect with all this stuff about love? Well, one day as I watched this woman, I found myself wondering what she thinks about herself. Does she love herself? More importantly, does she feel loved by others? And those thoughts brought me full circle on all these rambling thoughts of love. Loving ourselves comes from a deep realization of how much we are loved by God. As we become aware of His love for us, and that He is love, we are able to express that love to others. But what is most important is becoming aware of His radical, unlimited and passionate love for us. That’s the starting point. How can love not pour from us when the God of the universe is literally drowning us in His love?
But here’s the key: Do we believe that He loves us that much? Do we realize it? Internalize it? Allow it to consume us, direct us and guide us? I’m sorry to say that most of the time, I’m afraid we don’t. At least I don’t. And because of that, I have a tough time loving myself. And I can’t help but think that people like this strange little lady, have a tough time feeling love because we cannot first love ourselves. And many of us as just as lost as she appears to be.

Five Stories - Part IV

Have you ever felt like just walking up to a stranger, striking up a conversation with them and finding out what their story is? We all have "stories", don't we? Some of us are just beginning to put the first few chapters together, and others are completing a set of volumes. I find that sometimes I just have an attraction to certain people that I see in public. Not a physical attraction, but spiritual. I want to know more about them, where they come from, where they are in life and what chapter of their story they find themselves on. Something tells me that their story and my story need to cross paths and intertwine, if only for a few minutes. But unfortunately, I often ignore that "still, small voice" and retreat further into my own cozy little reality. After all, this is the way we are supposed to be in American culture, right? As history progresses, each generation becomes more isolated and our "stories" become more two-dimensional and monotone. That makes it difficult to "Love one another", doesn't it?

I haven't been spending as much time in my favorite Starbucks over the last couple of weeks. When I started writing these "Five Stories" blogs, I was haunting my local Starbucks almost every night. My favorite chair had become my lazy-boy and the ottoman my desk. I began to really enjoy these times because it gave me a chance to just observe. One thing that I really dislike about myself is my tendency to slide inside the Christian bubble and blind myself to what's going on in culture in general. Being in ministry does this to you sometimes. But I have found that I grow more spiritually when I am outside of the church setting.

"Love one another". I'm beginning to hear this in my sleep. "Love one another". These words of Christ penetrate my thoughts almost every day. As I walk through the everyday path of life, people drift from one end to another. Lives cross paths, but seldom are stories revealed, shared, enjoyed and meshed together. I think this is what frustrates me the most. I mean, you don't have to be a Bible scholar to understand that God calls us to not only "live" in community with one another, but also to grow, develop and flourish together. Unfortunately, all we tend to do is share proximity, rather than intimacy.

The forth story of "Five Stories" is rather simple. There is not much there because I just could not seem to scratch below the surface. A young lady was sitting toward the back of Starbucks, intently reading over technical material, dressed in hospital scrubs. She caught my attention because she looked as though she was utterly disconnected from her surroundings. I tried to make eye contact as I ordered a refill of my iced coffee, but it was as if there was a barrier around her. I walked past her table, making as if I was getting another napkin, but nothing. I returned to my chair and continued to observe.

Finally, I walked over to her table and asked what she was working on. Startled, she looked up with a surprised look on her face. "Huh?", she replied and I repeated my question. She mumbled something about a licensing test next Monday, but made no real eye contact and no real interest in talking with me. I asked if she wouldn't mind me praying for her and asked her name. She shook her head, but said, "Sure, if you want to." I never got her name, but as I walked away I heard her say, "I'm sorry, but I'm just really scared right now. It's just this stuff." She pointed to her books and papers. I reached out my hand to shake hers, and cupped it with my other hand. "I'll pray for you.", I said, and went back to my chair. That's as far as she was going to let me in. And I sat there with iced coffee, closed my eyes and prayed.

Scripture tells is that "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,". (1 John 4:18) Just before this, in the same passage, it says that "God is love." We've been talking about the whole "Love one another" issue, right? God is saying that He is love. The essence of His being is love. And because God is good and perfect in all His ways, we can deduct that fear cannot exist in Him. So fear and love cannot coexist. Finally, we are commanded to "love one another" by Jesus Himself, which we all know, we don't do as often as we could. "Love one another"

I don't know if my efforts quelled the fears of this young lady. Maybe my efforts weren't enough. What I do know is that fear existed in a community that I was a part of. And my hope is that God, being the perfect manifestation of love, intervened in a spiritual connection with this lady, and broke through the barriers of fear. If only for a few moments.

"Love one another".

Five Stories - Part III

I’ve been spending a lot of time in Starbucks this week. The rest of the family has been participating in Summer Kid’s Club at church, so each evening has opened up a couple of hours of solitude, a chance to catch up of some reading and bang on my laptop. Periodically, I look up from what I’m doing, just to see who's walking in and out. Occasionally I’ll see someone that I know, but most of the time, I just watch strangers. I see facial expressions and hear conversations. One thing I can tell you after spending a week of evenings in Starbucks; you really get a feel for the cultural pulse of your community.

“Love one another”. Yeah, I know. Easier said than done, right? I’ve come to a conclusion this week. It’s hard to love one another these days. Overall, we live in a culture that is becoming increasingly angry, frustrated and apathetic. Whether it’s dealing with the regular threat of terrorism, war, the economy, politics or the death of Michael Jackson, there are countless outside factors that negatively affect our day-to-day lives. The frustrations build, anger develops and the next thing we know, we are biting the head off the Barista at Starbucks because she didn’t put enough espresso in our grande Latte; like the guy who just stormed out! “Love one another”.

Story number three of “Five Stories” revolves around a young couple that I saw last week that really seemed to love each other; at least for the time being! They came in, head to toe in tattoos and piercings and looked like they were just making a coffee stop on their way out for a night on the town. They sat down with their coffees, laughing and engaged in discussion. Amid the occasional “F-Bomb”, and other choice four letter words, their conversation seemed to go nowhere. Words went in one ear and out the other as they threw words at each other. No substance. No conversation. Just words flying from one chair to another, with the occasional one landing near me. There is the appearance of love, but in reality, it’s not real. It’s a counterfeit painting. A mini drama being played out with an audience of one and his laptop. It got to a point where I didn’t like what I was hearing. There was a lot of pain just beneath the surface and it began to bubble up as I listened. My heart felt heavy and I seemed to feel the pain that was emanating from them. I felt love for this couple. Strange, but I felt love. “Love one another.”

Remember, “God is love.” John goes on to write “whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us…because in this world we are like him.” (1 John 4:17) How is love made “complete” in this way? Is it because our feeble attempts to “love one another come up empty, shallow and void of emotion? Is it because we are unable to “love one another” without the infusion of God, who is the essence of love? Is true love possible without a relationship with the one who is literally love? Do we have to be engaged in real love before we can offer it readily to those we come in contact with? I wonder. “Love one another”.

Love is active, complex and deep. It’s not an emotion that we take out and use at our disposal, like a tool or weapon to get what we want. Rather, the more I think about it, love is a state of being. And if we follow what God has commanded from us, and what He freely offers us, we exist in perfect and complete love. Day and night, we live and breathe love because God is love. Christ said, and I am paraphrasing, that He is like a vine and His followers are like branches, organically connected and intertwined, so that we live through Him and in Him. Could the life giving sap that runs through this union be the love that bonds each of us together as one? (John 15:1-17)

“God is Love” “Love one another”.

Five Stories - Part II

“Love one another”. As I sit here this afternoon, in my favorite corner of Starbucks, these words echo in my mind over and over again. I read them in the pages of my Bible (John 13:34 & 35), but as with many words of Scripture, they seem to slip in one ear and out the other. I’ve read and studied this passage dozens of times, but what does it really mean to love one another? I mean, I can say that I love the guy sitting next to me who is consistently bumping my chair, or the loud and obnoxious women across the room, or the iced coffee that I’m drinking, but where is the line drawn between words and actions? When is love really expressed as genuine love? What if I don’t particularly want to love someone? What if I can’t, even though Christ commands me to? (John 13:34) Love the unlovable? Love those I don’t know? Love my enemies? Those that have hurt me?

The second person of “Five Stories”, sat a few tables from me. He was a man that I had seen a number of times in Starbucks, and in my neighborhood, and was talking with someone else about his realty business. As the conversation moved to more personal topics, he began to share how he was beginning to realize that life’s BIG adventures might be as simple as drinking a cup of coffee while watering his flowers early in the morning. His Dad died recently and he watched him work until he was 70 years old, never really seeming to enjoy his life to the fullest. He doesn’t want this to happen to him, and feels God is leading him to slow down and enjoy each moment of life. From listening to his words and the inflection in his voice, it is obvious that he gets it. He is content with his life and is learning more about his relationship with God every day.

As I watched this man, and his interaction with his friend, I felt myself having compassion for him. I could feel something deeper than just observing a stranger, but there was somewhat of a connection with him. Even though I was uninvited to listen in on this little segment of his life, I felt as if I was joining him in his journey of life; if only for a few moments. He had no idea that I was connecting with him, but on some spiritual level, we were connected. Was this “love” that I was feeling for this stranger? The way in which God intends us to love one another? And as my mind meditated on his story, was the love of God being expressed in my concern for him?

The author of the Gospel of John was called “the disciple whom Jesus loved”, and as you read through the words of his gospel account, you get a sense of why he was singled out among the other eleven disciples and given this title. His words take you into a deeper understanding of the humanity of Christ and the fullness and complexity of His emotions moreso than the other three gospels. In his first letter of the New Testament, John speaks quite a bit about the concept of love. In fact, he draws one of the most significant and simplistic parallels to God that has ever been written: God is love. “God is love”. “Love one another”. Are we able to put some pieces together here?

I don’t think that John was merely talking about one of God’s many attributes or actions. Rather in His love, we see the complete embodiment of who God is, culminating in the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. The ultimate sacrifice. The ultimate expression of love. Maybe being extensions of God’s love is more than just saying we “love” others. Maybe in order to really love one another, we must first be intimately connected to the one who is the essence of love. And as God dwells within us, His love pours out from us as we submit to Him completely. Let’s face it. Some people are impossible to love through our own power and actions. Yes, Christ commands us to love one another, but it seems to me that if God is love, and we are called to love one another, maybe it has less to do with our feelings or actions. Maybe it has nothing to do with us at all, and our expressions of love are simply the revelation of God to the world.

"Love one another".

Five Stories - Part I

Jesus said in John 13:34, “A new command I give you: Love one an another”. Love one another. Recently, I began wondering why we seem to take this “command” as if it were simply a suggestion. But while I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday afternoon, trying to relax and finish a book that I began reading a few weeks ago, my mind began to wander, as did my eyes. As I looked around the room, I started watching the people who were enjoying their coffee and engaging in various conversations. Everyone was drinking iced coffee drinks, signifying that summer had finally arrived, and after about 20 minutes of observation, I realized that there were 5 groups of people in the room. Five individual lives. Five individual stories existing in five separate, specific and secluded realities. “Love one another. “ Allow me to tell you about one of the five.
The first person that I noticed was an older woman who was talking with the barista and leaning on the counter. She was much older than me, had very weathered skin and a raspy voice. Probably a smoker, she was talking about how she had just had the first good night’s sleep in a long time, due to a new mattress that she had just aquired. After listening for a while, I began to realize that she was a victim of hurricane Ike, and was just starting to get her life back together again. She looked tired. She looked troubled. She looked lost. And although my heart really went out to her, I realized how isolated I felt from her. Here we were, sharing the same air, the same light, the same sounds and maybe the same brew of coffee, and yet we might as well be on opposite ends of the globe. “Love one another.” I love my wife. I love my two boys. But, how am I supposed to love a person that I know nothing about it?
A little later, she walked outside and sat by herself. Enjoying a smoke along with her coffee, she stared out into the parking lot, looking deep in thought. Not a peaceful contemplative type of thought, but a troubled and worried thought. The kind of thought where you wish you would just freeze time and live in this moment forever. You don’t want to leave the moment because reality is waiting for you just around the corner, and it’s not pleasant. I watched her from the window, but couldn’t bring myself to talk to her. I felt isolated and disconnected from her, and wondered how I could show the love of God to someone so distant. “Love one another.”
It’s interesting how our culture functions. Millions of people walk in and out of each others lives without so much as a second thought. We imagine our lives as being the center of the universe and elevate ourselves above others. But what if God had different plans for us? What if we were meant to engage each other as part of life’s natural rhythm? What if my observations in Starbucks are a flaw in how I perceive life? Should my observations rather be conversations?
Jesus said in Matthew 22, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” How is that possible when we find it so difficult to love ourselves? Many of us find ourselves either in the pits of self-loathing, or we are constantly striving to be someone that we’re not. We constantly attempt to improve ourselves inside and out, as if the imperfect always needs constant improving. Either way, we reject ourselves as incomplete, imperfect and flawed; as if God just didn’t get it right when He created us the first time.
“Love one another.” What does it mean to love one another? I’m not sure that I understand, and I’m not so sure that I am always capable. But maybe its more simple than we think. Maybe loving one another has less to do with a physical decision or action, and more to do with a spiritual connection. A divine encounter. Love one another.