Spit

I just spilled my fresh cup of Vietnamese Coffee, so let's start there.  The aroma of fresh cà phê sữa đá rose from my table as I gazed out of the widow on normality.  I'm thinking that this evening will be different that yesterday, but that kind of assumption always get's me into trouble, or let's me down in the end.  One by one, people are filing in to the sushi restaurant next door, to indulge on raw manna from Heaven.  It doesn't sound good to me tonight.  I haven't had much of an appetite today.  In fact, I skipped lunch all together.  That decision will haunt me as the evening progresses, but somehow it makes no difference to me.  I'll fill the void with coffee and eventually a bowl of cereal.  Cap'n Crunch did the trick in college, now granola satisfies the pallet with less damage to the heart and less elevated levels of statistics that only doctors know will touch the conscious.

So, I sit here.  I sit and wonder why things have to be the way they are.  Why do I spit in the face of God?  Why is it that when we approach the pinnacle of life, thinking that each "i'" is dotted and each"t" is crossed, we find that we don't even know our own language?    Maybe it's because we never dive in.  We poke and prod at the safety of the bank of life's river and wonder if a dip is really what we need.  But we don't.  We dip our toes in, feel the cool touch of the water and allow the euphoric wave of freedom to engulf us for just a few seconds.  Then we retreat to the banks furthest reaches and dry ourselves off, disgusted that we allowed even a drop of the river to settle upon our virgin skin.

Then we do something that is probably the most repulsive act our infantile minds can muster.  We race across the street, with the few dollars we have saved for redemption, to the home and garden refuge, buying the first can of poison we can get our hands on.  We pay our debt, race back to the river banks, and dump it in without a though otherwise.  Our fear did not only enable us, but infected each and every person that had the balls to dive in the first place.  And then we smile, thinking we accomplished some brave feet of salvation.  But the problem is, the world is still polluted and we thank our God in Heaven that we are not like those poor souls that feed on the disgusting poison that runs through our veins to begin with.

Why?  Because we never realized that we spilled a couple of drops on our shoes, as we ran across the street.  At the rivers edge, after we infected those brave enough to jump in, we took our shoes off.  We touched it.  We thought that the grass under our feet might just comfort us enough to believe that we are like them.  Dying a slow death on a bank of safety, thinking that we are totally immune to the toxins that break us down, little by little.  But because of our self made rationalization, it only hardens our heart and makes it more difficult to allow the life giving sanctification to run through our body, instead of the poison.  

I'm an adulterous man, just like any other.  I admit it.  I would plunge a knife into Uriah's heart if I had the chance.  I'm a drunken fool that babbles endlessly on a soap box that no one sees.  I would steal the laptop that you are reading this on, if you turned your back.  I'm the one that holds the nail, as those nasty Roman's drive it in.  I stand by and watch the final spear pierce His side.  Not only that, but I laugh.  But thankfully, my grace is different from yours, and it pulls me closer to redemption than I might think it does.

My point in this psychotic rant is that none of us are immune from the darkness of this world.  We love others, and then demand payment for services rendered.  We serve, and then thrown the proverbial bowl of soup back in the face of those we serve.  We love God, but flip Him our middle finger and spit at Him when life does not turn out all peaches and creme.  We embrace God's salvation, but then walk around like lost little children, crying for mommy.  The problem is that mommy was in that river that we poisoned.  She wanted us to jump in, but we were too scared, and she spent all that money on swim lessons!

Your grace is not my grace, and thankfully, mine is not yours.  God dishes it out according to our appetites.  Some of us gorge ourselves, taking all that we can fit into our lying mouths, and some of us are bulimic, vomiting up any bit of grace that God sends our way.  But that's who we are, as fallen children of God.  The mess we make for ourselves, we often have to lie in. And at times, God sends the cleaning crew immediately.  But that's the problem, isn't it?  The focus remains on us, the messes of life and the poison that we infected the river with.  I don't want anything to do with that anymore, but I'll probably drink from it later.  But as my prophetess friend told me today, "just step out of you and enter into all that He is."  I'm not sure why that sounds so appealing today.     

Now, I think I'll get some sushi.

Self

One of the greatest dangers that we face in our journey with God is the self. How many times have we fallen on our knees in prayer, asking God to reveal Himself in a deeper, more real way, and all the while our focus is turned inward? It's easy for us to do this, isn't it? We are born into a culture that teaches us from day one that the self is the center of all that exists. And as we grow in our relationship and understanding of God, we find that we have already been conditioned to be obsessed with the self. The created being becomes more concerned with itself, rather than the creator.

As we walk through life, we find ourselves in a constant search for a feeling, emotion or experience in our relationship with God. We automatically want to place our faith and trust on that which is tangible. We long to cling to things we can see, smell, touch, taste, feel, etc. The most tangible thing in our existence is the self, and in an ironic quest, the self will always strangle off any hope we can manage to grasp hold of drawing closer to God.

Colossians 3:3-7 is one of the clearest passages of scripture concerning the self. In it we read that the follower of Christ should consider himself essentially dead. The self died, was buried and was raised with Christ. It's not an easy concept to grasp, but the self cannot exist in our relationship with God. The two are in constant conflict with one another. The self has no real existence, but none the less, continues to strive for significance, relevance and even superiority. It's a futile battle, but rages on each day of our lives.

So, how then should we see ourselves? Are we insignificant beings? Does our existence mean nothing? Does following Christ mean that we become mindless robots, walking the earth only to be controlled by a divine puppeteer? Absolutely not. We have each been created by God, possessing individual minds, with a vast array of gifts, talents and various aspects of personality that make us who we are. But the one thing we must consider, is this: the created being was not made to glorify in itself or be glorified by others. The created being was made for the sole purpose of glorifying God. And it is in that place of submission that we find our true identities, and the essence of what we seek from the self in the first place.

Manifestation

As you can tell from the date of my last blog entry, it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, or not that I haven’t intended to write something. And it’s not that I haven’t had anything to say. It’s just been difficult for me to write lately. To be honest, I’m going through a difficult time in my life. Right now, I would classify life as spiritually chaotic, and when I struggle through times like this, my first inclination is to isolate myself. Since writing has become a manner of communication for me, isolation from the written word has almost become inevitable.

Over the last week or so, several people have asked why my blogs have not been as frequent as usual. To my surprise, some people have even mentioned that they’ve missed them and have encouraged me to get back on a regular schedule again. With all that said, the inevitable question arose: “What am I going to write about?” I posed this question to a good friend of mine, and he replied with the frustratingly obvious: “Why not write about what’s going on in your life right now? What are you having the most trouble with”. I hesitated, and reluctantly the answer became the theme of this blog: I have trouble allowing people to minister to me.

Being in vocational ministry has been much more difficult than I ever thought. Many of the stories that I heard while in seminary have become all too real as I attempt to carve out the ministry that God wants for me. There are times when it can be very lonely and painful, often causing me to question whether or not I want to endure this journey much longer. However, after pouring my heart out to God in prayer, He quickly reminds me of how ridiculous that consideration really is. This is what He created me for, and in reality there is nothing more I would rather do with the rest of my life.

Despite the isolation and times when I feel like I’m in this alone, there are always a handful of people who have offered to take my hand as I walk through this valley. A few are fellow pastors, but most are just friends and acquaintances that I’ve known through my journey of life. And ironically, that’s where I find the most difficulty. Like I said, I have trouble allowing others to minister to me; especially those that are not in ministry as I am. Please don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I believe that everyone has to have a theological background to offer Godly ministry. Some of the most wise and loving people I know have never darkened the door of a seminary or served a day on a church staff.

The problem lies inside me, and is mixed with pride, selfishness and arrogance that automatically want to construct walls as I isolate myself further. I guess I feel that since I’m a minister in the church, I need to have everything together, under control and figured out; whatever that means. I need to be the one that's ministering to others, not being so weak that others have to minister to me, right? Well, let me explain how ridiculous I have found this to be.

Scripture tells us that the Church is the “Body of Christ”, and I believe this to be true in a very literal sense. The Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, that we “are the Body of Christ and individually members of it.” In essence, the Church represents Christ as flesh and blood while He is not physically present on earth. That designation carries the responsibility of acting in the same ways that He acted when he walked the earth. When we offer loving ministry to one another, we are literally manifesting God to each other. And consequently, when we refuse ministry from others, we refuse to allow God to work through someone else, and deny them the opportunity to be used by God.

What I realize is that not only have I been denying others to allow God to work through them, but in essence, I’ve been denying God to speak to me directly. As I call out to God in prayer, “Why are you so silent? Why are you not answering my prayers?”, I am ignoring His voice being poured out through others that He has chosen to use in a divine way. He reminds me that He is present in those that care for me, with hands and feet. Christ with flesh on. It’s Him.

Through the people that reach out to me, I see the reality of 2 Corinthians 1:4. It says that God “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” The reality is that we all walk through dark times as we journey through this life. Sometimes we are comforted. Sometimes we need comforting. But could it be that God is working through others to comfort me, so that I can then have the peace to again comfort others? Is ministry somewhat of a give-and-take experience as we allow God to work through each other? Could it be that we are all just children of a living God that longs to exhibit His power through each and every one of us in a serendipitous ministry of brothers and sisters in Christ revealing and manifesting God to the world?

So I will choose to receive ministry from anyone who is called to care for me. Because as I do, I have the opportunity to see God speaking to me in the flesh. Hands and feet. Lovingly breaking through the human realm to touch me and reach my deepest need.

Thank you to all who have ministered to me and been Christ with flesh and bones.

The Power of Pain

Let me ask you a question. We live in a culture, where we are constantly taught to avoid pain and suffering at ALL cost, right? Pain and suffering, whether physical or emotional, is meant to be avoided. Go to the doctor for this. Take a pill for that. How is the world are we supposed to teach our children that pain and suffering is part of the Christian's journey, and should not only be expected, but welcomed! In his book “On the Anvil”, Max Lucado takes a look at human sufferings. He compares the suffering of a Christian to that of being on a blacksmith’s anvil. As the blacksmith hammers the hot steel, it’s not exactly a pretty sight. It’s chaotic. It’s ugly. It takes much work. It’s hot and uncomfortable. But after the blacksmith has completed his job, what he is left with is a beautiful piece of metal; perhaps a sword or a valuable tool. The point that Lucado makes is that through our suffering we become refined. We become better. As God allows us to go through the fire, what comes out on the other side is beautiful. Yes, it’s painful, chaotic and ugly. But when the work has come to fruition, what remains is a tool that God can then use, on his terms. Beautiful. Useful. Refined!

In the book of Job, we see the quintessential example of human suffering intertwined with the nature and sovereignty of God. We see life being played out in a great drama. On the big stage we see Satan suggesting that Job was only faithful because of God’s blessings in his life. Take away the blessings, and Job would surely reject and curse God. God begs to differ, knowing full well that Job’s heart was in the right place. “Prove it!”, Satan challenges. God sees redemptive history in front of Him. The big picture. He knows the pain that Job will go through, but in the end it will bring Him glory. And that’s what lies at the heart of this story. God’s glory.

Well, God allows the heat to be turned up on Job’s life and he makes it though the fire. Job became the steel. He was sent into the fire. Thrown upon the anvil. Beaten with the hammer. Refined for God’s will. What remained? A tool to be used for God over the next several thousand years and for all eternity! Pretty awesome, huh? Do you think Job had any idea how his personal suffering would be used for the glory of God? Probably not. In fact, there is no evidence that Job had any idea what was going on between Satan and God. And he probably had never realized what God’s will was throughout his tragedy. All that mattered was God’s glory and Job faithfulness. The point was made.

We all go through tragedy. You may be going through a tragedy as you read this. Most of us do not go through suffering to the magnitude that Job did, but that doesn’t matter. Suffering is suffering. Pain is pain. But as we feel the heat being turned up, and the hammer coming down upon us, do we ask God to stop the pain? Or do we just try asking Him why? Do we ask Him what the purpose of this particular trial might be? How can it be used for His glory? How can it be used in the big picture? How can we grow from it? See, God has a reason for every tear we shed. We may never know what those reasons are, but that really doesn’t matter. What matters is that God receives the glory and we prove to be faithful. And our kids need to see this lived out in our lives. They need to see that we, as parents, teachers, leaders, confront the pain and suffering because it is an element of a fallen world. And they need to see that we welcome pain and suffering because it refines and makes us better!

Holding Patterns

Every once and a while, I hate writing. This morning is one of those times. I’m sitting here at Starbucks, staring at the Via Ready Brew display in front of me, and thinking about how I have nothing interesting to share. I’m frustrated, tired and a little bored with myself. Being an out-of-work pastor is no different than anyone else who is out of work. Mondays seem to make your unemployment even more vivid. The wound is fresh. As the week moves on, you begin to accept your current situation, but it’s still hard. You find ways to cover and care for your wound. You medicate it, bandage it, protect it, and it begins to feel better, but there is still an ache.

I guess it might be a little easier for me, because I’m out of work by choice, rather than the economy, bad performance, etc. To make a long story short, I resigned from my last position as an associate pastor/children’s pastor because it just wasn’t a good fit anymore. God began to make it clear that he didn’t want me at this particular church anymore, and as a very dear friend and mentor put it: “Jake, it looks like God has closed the door, and you’re trying to force it back open.” And I see now how very true that was. I realize now that I got to the point where I came to work with crow bar and hammer in hand. And as hard as I tried, as much muscle as I put into it, the door was not only shut, but sealed. I finally had to realize that I was going to have to find another exit point. Or maybe it was an entry point. But much of this is clear only in retrospect.

God’s ways are not our ways, and that is a very difficult thing for a person like me to accept. I like being in control. I like knowing what’s going on all the time, and what the next steps are to get to where I need to go. Now that God has placed me into a time of uncertainty, as temporary as it might be, I’m having trouble accepting it. And I have to admit, I’m a little angry with God. After all, I had a successful ministry. People liked me and I liked being liked. I liked the pats on the back and the recognition I received. I was good at what I did. Or at least I think I was. But is that such a bad thing? Is it wrong to enjoy the occasional stroking of our egos? Aren’t we taught to be the best we can be at each and everything we do? Well, sorry. I don’t have an answer for you. In fact, if you have some insight on this, please feel free to let me know.

But there is one thing that I am very certain of. I am exactly where God wants me to be right now. I’m a 100% sure that he wanted me to leave my last church. I am 100% sure that he wanted me to remain out of paid ministry for a while; at least for the summer. I spent an incredible amount of quality time with my two boys, and was blessed beyond words. It was part of His plan, and I’m very thankful for that. So I accepted it and assured myself that by the time school started, God would reveal the door that would not only open with ease, but would remain open for at least the indefinite future. Well, at this point, all I see is walls. No doors. No windows. Although people come in and out, I don’t know from where they come from. They have doors to come in to my life, but it’s almost as if they are only visible from their side of reality. Kind of like Monster’s Inc., huh?

I know that God has a plan for me and my ministry. I love God’s words of comfort to us in Isaiah: “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” - Isaiah 55:8-9 (NLT) Those words really speak to me today, and I know with all confidence that God already has everything laid out. I know this because His Spirit has assured me of that. For whatever reason, He’s just not letting me in on the details yet, and I’m OK with that. I'm in a holding pattern and don't have clearance to land yet. Wandering. Wilderness. Uncertainty.

But even in the occasional dark times of discouragement, I feel Him gently whispering and reminding me that He’s there and has it all under control. Like any earthly Father, I believe that God only wants the best for us, and I feel confident that that is what lies ahead for me. My last ministry position may have been good, but it wasn’t what was best for me. But as my door closed, it became someone else's to walk through. It was someone else’s “better”. And you know what? My next ministry position may not be the “best”, and if it’s not, God will shut another door. I pray that if He does, I won’t pull out my crow bar and hammer again.

Marc Driscoll's Family Dinner Devotion Method

Do you have trouble finding time to have family devotions? When you do, do you face the frustration of wondering what to do? Does it work? Are the kids getting it? Well, I found this approach from Marc Driscoll that seems very realistic and effective. Give it a try, and let me know what kind of results you get! Marc Driscoll is Pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, founder of the Acts 29 Network, author and speaker.

Step 1 - Eat dinner with your entire family regularly.

Step 2 - Mom and Dad sit next to one another to lead the family discussion.

Step 3 - Open the meal by asking if there is anyone or anything to pray for.

Step 4 - Someone opens in prayer and covers any requests. This task should be rotated among family members so that different people take turns learning to pray aloud.

Step 5 - Start eating and discuss how everyone’s day went.

Step 6 - Have a Bible in front of the parents in a translation that is age-appropriate for the kids’ reading level. Have someone (parent or child) open the Bible, and assign a portion to read aloud while everyone is eating and listening.

Step 7 - Parents should note key words and themes in the passage and explain them to the kids on an age-appropriate level.

Step 8 - Ask questions about the passage. You may want to begin with having your children summarize what was read—retelling the story or passage outline. Then, ask the following questions: What does this passage teach us about God? What does it say about us or about how God sees us? What does it teach us about our relationships with others?

Step 9 - Let the conversation happen naturally, listen carefully to the kids, let them answer the questions, and fill in whatever they miss or lovingly and gently correct whatever they get wrong so as to help them.

Step 10 - If the Scriptures convict you of sin, repent as you need to your family, and share appropriately honest parts of your life story so the kids can see Jesus’ work in your life and your need for him too. This demonstrates gospel humility to them.

Step 11 - At the end of dinner, ask the kids if they have any questions for you.

Step 12 - If you miss a night, or if conversation gets off track, or if your family occasionally just wants to talk about something else, don’t stress—it’s inevitable.

The Shack & The Gospel According to Mack Part II

As I prepared to write this blog, I came to four interesting realizations. First,there is a LOT of information here. Way more that I can cleverly construct into one blog. Second, I don't want to begin a series of blogs on this topic. I would much rather sit down with others and discuss these issues, and there are countless resources available that have done a much better job of critiquing this book than I have. Third, this blog was never meant to be a forum for me to write theological dissertations. So I'll spare you the boredom! And forth, I have no desire to promote arguments, division or an create and atmosphere of judgment. With that said, I chose to take somewhat of a different angle toward this.

You see, when you get right down to it, the main issue here is not whether or not Wm. Paul Brown's The Shack. is Biblically relevant or accurate. That is really a secondary issue. The main issue that we face here is that the Church, in and of itself, has become Biblically illiterate. And yes; that means you and me. And as I write these words, I mentally see myself in the mirror and point my finger in accusation. Those of us in ministry are just as guilty of neglecting the diligent study of God’s Word as those in the “real world”. 1 Peter 3:15 says that we should “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” Unfortunately, if most of us are completely honest with ourselves, we must admit that we have fallen somewhat short. So, I wonder to myself. How can I judge anyone for building a theological construct based on this book when leaders are not encouraging the Church to begin with God’s Word? We should base our beliefs on Scripture and allow other sources, like The Shack, to enhance our faith; not vice-versa. What culture has done with this book is allowed it to take precedence over God’s Word, rather than saying to ourselves, “Hmmm. This is really interesting stuff. Very thought provoking. I feel that God may be moving in my life through these words, but how does it line up with HIS words?”

Let me also say that I have no desire to judge anyone by my views toward The Shack. Each person’s individual spiritual journeys are different and God works in our lives in various manners through His Holy Spirit. I firmly believe that the “experiential” aspect of faith can be just as valid and powerful as the physical or spiritual. If your experience with The Shack has caused you to grow into a deeper relationship with God, it is not my place to judge the validity of that. If you have grown deeper in your understanding of God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, I only ask you to consider my views, and factor them into your theological foundation.

We also have to acknowledge that our understanding of God will always be limited to our human vessels. The doctrine of the Trinity is, and will always be, an incredible mystery. And even when we reach heaven and see God face to face, the reality of this concept will never be fully grasped.

In addition, we must remember that The Shack is a book of fiction. Because of limitations with this genre of literature, it is very difficult to compare and critique in light of Scripture. There is an emotional and experiential element that will always cloud reality. There are many statements that the author makes that are challenging to decipher simply because they are made through the lens of the author or through the interaction of characters in the story. The best bet in these situations is to trust in the Holy Spirit for wisdom and discernment.

However, there are clearly some theological problem with this book. I feel that these issues need to be addressed in order to remain true to Scripture and God's truth. Like I said earlier, there are theologians, pastors and speakers that are much wiser than I am, so I decided to attach a video by Pastor Mark Driscoll Of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington. He has done a phenomenal job in laying out the main objections to The Shack. A much better job than I have done, but has addressed the main issues that have caused me concern. Watch with an open mind and heart and allow God to guide you in your journey.