Dad

It's another Father's Day, so in honor of my dad, Bill Kampe, I'm re-posting this blog (as I seem to do every year), that I wrote many years ago. Happy Father's Day, Dad. I miss you. More now than ever. I could really use your advice and wisdom, because the world and life are crazy right now.


My dad died about 15 years ago. That’s something that I never thought I would have to say, let alone write in a blog. “My dad died.” You always look at your parents as being somewhat immortal; especially dads. But in the natural order of this physical life, they die. And I suppose that a small part of us was created to expect it. It's natural to lose your parents one day, but it doesn’t make it any easier on the soul that breaks, and carry's the crack in it for the rest of our lives. 

Each time I talk about my dad, and get to the point of discussing his death, I feel my eyes water up and my voice cracks just a bit; even today. It’s funny, but I miss him more as the years go by. Some thought will pop into my mind, some issue that I want to share with him, or something will happen where I could really use his advice. It’s funny, but sometimes I have to remind myself that he’s not there.

When he was in grade school, my now 17 year old son was experimenting with his electronic set and asking questions that were a little out of my field of knowledge. My dad was an outstanding electrical engineer and I began to tell my son about how this was the kind of stuff that Paw Paw did for a living. He didn't realize it at the time, but dad would have loved teaching him how it all worked and the fact that his grandson was showing some aptitude in this area would have filled him with so much pride. More than likely, my son Lucas will be an engineer. He'll be majoring in engineering in the Fall. How I wish that my dad could see that.

But my dad was so much more than that, and this is how he connected with both of his grandsons. He was also an deeply introspective thinker, a poet, a philosopher, and he loved this first grandson, my 24 year old, more than life itself. I sometime meditate on the deep philosophical conversations that they would have had, and the advice on love and living life to it's fullest that he would have passed on. I can only hope to pass on that same wisdom as gracefully and lovingly as my dad did with me.     

It’s funny, but I can still hear my Dad’s voice, as clear as if I had just talked with him a few days ago. When I’m away from my boys, and others that I love deeply, I sometimes forget their voices, but I remember my dad’s voice. I remember the deep tone it had and the calm and methodical way he spoke, as he stroked his beard. When he was excited or passionate about something, he would get more animated and stutter a little. That’s how you could tell that he was really engaged and interested in the conversation. But when he was distraught, concerned, or even angry, especially with his rebellious son, he always remained calm, listened and found a way to solve the problem.

I remember my dad coming home from work late in the day. He would open the door quickly and come through with a big stride. He always had the paper in his hand and would lightly hit me with it. “Hey, guy!”, he would say with a big smile, and would go in the kitchen to say hi to Mom. That “dad smell” would waft passed me as he went by, and I felt comfortable. I felt safe. Dad was home.

I’ve learned that being a dad is much more difficult than being a son. My dad once shared with me that I would never feel the same security that I did when I was a boy living at home, once I had my own family. And he was right, to an extent. I’m the one who carries the burdens and fights the monsters of the soul that used to live under the bed. I’m the one that is responsible for creating the safe structure of home and peace that my boys can rest in. As a divorced dad, that is often quite a challenge, but I do the best I can.

But like I said, my dad was only right to an extent. I believe that even though I have the enormous responsibility of being a father, the burden is not 100% on my shoulders. I'm simply a spiritual steward of these amazing gifts that God has given me. God still calls the plays; we just carry the ball. And I do feel some shades of that security that I once felt as a child from time to time. When I feel close to God and the presence of spirit is evident, flowing around me, I feel safe. When I come to him as a little child, and rest in his arms, I feel peace. And as I comfort my boys and do my best to create the peaceful structure that they deserve, I feel God doing the same for me. He’s my Father. He’s Dad. (John 20:17)

My dad believed in God, but I don’t know if he felt the same security of which I’ve learned to depend. I think that he carried a lot of burdens that he didn’t realize were not his to carry. Burdens that I carry myself. My grandfather, his dad, died when my Dad was only 9 years old. He had to learn how to be a dad with only a small point of reference. He had to learn to depend on himself for much of his life and that made him his soul just a but harder. He grew up without a father and I often wonder how much different his life would have been had his dad lived a longer life. And for that matter, what would my life be like today?

Either way, dad did his very best at raising two boys, and he did a damn good job; maybe better than me. I told him that a few years before he died. I simply told him that I know that he did his best, that being a dad is difficult,that I loved and appreciated him..He said that that was one of those things you wait your entire parenting life to hear. I hope to hear that someday, and I hope that my boys will grow up feeling just a little more security than I did. Not security from me, but from God, who wants them to have a peace that transcends all of their understanding. (Philippians 4:7) I want them to feel that security of knowing that everything is OK. It’s taken care of. Dad’s home.

Do Over!

Growing up in the late 70s and early 80s, I was lucky enough to experience the advent of youth soccer. It was just beginning to gain popularity in American suburbia and I jumped in feet first. In fact, I think my Mom still considers herself to officially be first "soccer mom". As Saturdays became Game Day, I absolutely fell in love with the burgeoning sport and became obsessed with every detail of the game. I practiced daily in my backyard, creating targets on the fence, often having to repair broken pickets with my own money. I would draw soccer fields on loose leaf paper, and create plays with toy soldiers, positioning them in just the right places for the perfect shot at the goal. I think that I even slept with my soccer ball from time to time. 

But despite the official games, cool uniforms and cheers of the crowd, I always loved playing neighborhood soccer best of all. There was just something about playing soccer with my buddies and the freedom that came with starting up a game whenever we wanted. No rules, no uniforms, no rain-outs and no refs. We seemed to play a little harder, get a lot more sweaty and dirty, sometimes even a little blood. But most of all, we seemed to have had a lot more fun, imaging that we were professional all-stars, following in the footsteps of Hugo Sanchez, Diego Maradona, Socrates and of course, legendary soccer deity, Pelé.      

But despite our love of the game, our soccer heroes, and the passion we had for playing, the one thing that I remember most was the amount of grace we allowed each other in our makeshift games. And we granted that grace with the ever popular "do over". A team mate would misplace a pass and someone would shout, "Do over!" The ball would accidentally go out of bounds because of wind, "Do over!" Your friend slipped while attempting to pass to your wing man, and you insisted, "Do over!" It was an intricate aspect of our games, and one of the only rules we held ourselves too with utter reverence. Not because we encouraged sloppy playing or didn't take our games serious, but simply because we all knew that at some point everyone was going to need a "do over" at some point. We all needed "do overs", and truth be told, they helped us grow and play better when we re-joined our official teams.  

As we face the early days off 2021, I assume that I'm not alone in my recollection and contemplation of the "do overs". 2020 was a historic year, filled with darkness, countless challenges, fear, chaos, injustice, hatred, disunity, pain and loss that our country has ever seen. It was a year filled with misplaced passes, countless fouls, yellow and red cards, mistimed shots at the goal and continuing to play the game when we were all aware that we were completely out of bounds. It was a year in which all of us desperately need, and deserve a "do over". 

It's part of our human nature to reflect over the last year and take inventory of our lives. One New Year's Eve and day, I found myself meditating and physically listing my intentions of the various things that I wanted to change in my life. Many things went through my mind, but the predominate thought was that I want to be a better spiritual influence for others in my life. I want to feel like I'm doing more than just going through the motions. I want to connect with people on a deeper spiritual level. I'm not exactly sure what that might mean or how it will manifest itself. Perhaps it will be being more bold in sharing spiritual insights. Maybe it will just be the sharing of the amazing things that the Divine is doing in my life. It could be that I just need to listen to others a little more. Most importantly, it may mean that I need to reflect more inwardly, connect more spiritually with my inner-self, and continue with the discipline of removing the masks of the false-self. Whatever it might be, I'm calling a "do over".

Perhaps you may not feel like you need a "do over" in these areas of your life. Despite the challenges and difficulties of 2020, you may feel as if all the pieces have fallen into place perfectly. But let me just ask you to join me in one commitment to the New Year. If you're a parent, grandparent, a teacher, life coach, counselor, a spiritual leader of any kind, or perhaps all of the above, you spend a great amount of our time with people. And this gives you a significant opportunity because there are probably many people in your lives that don't reflect too deeply on the past year. Sure, all of us have memories that we recall to mind. We share stories and discuss particular aspects of the year that stand out more than others. But how many of us deeply reflect on the past 365 days of our lives as we usher in a annual cycle? 

So, let us ask ourselves a few vital and sacred questions. What has 2020 looked like for the people in our lives that we love and influence the most? What are the obstacles they have they faced? What victories have they been a part of? Where do they find themselves on their spiritual path, and are there any particular milestones that mark their journey? 

Let us give some time to contemplate these questions. Let us ask these questions of ourselves. Let us spend some time with the Divine power in our lives and reflect. Ask yourself, "How am I connecting with my divine nature, and helping others do the same?" And if you see some things that you might have been able to do a little better with others in your life , then I officially make the call!

"Do over!!"

Advent Reflections: December 17

Joy 

“An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

 Luke 2:9-12

Reflection

Fear of the unknown is a very common emotion these days. As our world continues to change, unknown factors of life increase as well. Our lives are filled with many uncertainties, all of which contain a litany of various unfamiliar aspects and results. When faced with the unfamiliar, many of us find ourselves reacting with every emotion from uneasiness to shear panic. Basically, most us just don’t like to face the unknown.

But with every unknown situation, there is the opportunity for joy to transcend our fears. Unfortunately, fear is one of the greatest factors that hold most of us back from accomplishing extraordinary things. Think about this for a moment. Is it not usually true that when we take a critical step of faith, trusting God even while consumed with fear, that the overwhelming joy we experience overshadows previous fears? Is it not usually worth the risk?  

As the Angel of the Lord appeared to the Shepherds, and the manifestation of the glory of God surrounded them, they were afraid. Who wouldn't be? In the presence of the unknown, fear overshadowed the joy that the Divine was about to proclaim. By the angel’s words, “Do not be afraid”, the Good News of Christ was proclaimed, and the unknown became known. Fear became joy. Truth transcended uncertainty.          

                      

Prayer

God, we face many uncertainties in this world and confess that the unknown causes great fear. But in your declaration of truth, through Christ, all fears are transcended to joy. Allow the essential truth that was declared to the shepherds to be the same joy that finds us today. 

Amen 

Advent Reflections: December 15

Joy

“And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of His servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me—holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him,from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, just as he promised our ancestors.”
Luke 1:46-55

Reflection

As we continue our journey into the third week of Advent together, most of us just might be finally settling into the routine of the Christmas season. There may be a last minute gift to buy, a few decorations to set in the perfect place and a few meals to prepare, but more than likely, things are probably settling down into a more consistent pace of life. Perhaps we can all finally take a breath and relax, if only for a few minutes. These are important times. The times when we can reflect and meditate on what is most important in our lives. These are the times when joy begins to fill our hearts, and anxiety slips away just a bit.

When we read the words of today’s passage, often called Mary’s Song, it’s impossible to not feel the deep joy that she must have felt in uttering these words. She cannot contain the emotions that fill her soul as she calls out, praising the God from where her joy comes. Her joy is overflowing from deep within her, and she wants all who hear her to feel the same joy that she does. Even today, over two thousand years later, her cries of joy can be felt in these quiet moments of our Advent celebrations.

As with peace, joy is often misunderstood in today's culture. Joy is a lasting emotion that rests deep in the recess of our soul. As with peace, joy is not based on the circumstances or our day to day ups and down, but transcends the external, and rest deep within the internal of our true selves.

Let us take time to reflect on the blessings that God has given us and those we love. Let us hear the words of Mary that are just as true for us today as they were with her so long ago. They are true. They are real. They are now. Let them fill our hearts, our minds and our spirits.

Prayer

God, as we settle into the Christmas Season, allow our hearts to settle as well. Let our hearts be filled with peace and the same overwhelming joy that Mary felt so long ago. 

Amen

Advent Reflections - December 14

Peace

“In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe.”

 Hebrews 1:1-2

Reflection

Why is it that we so often feel compelled to live our lives in the past? Why do we so frequently attempt to build our current days based on false manifestation of the "perfection" of yesterday? You’ve heard the expressions: “Those were the good ‘ol days!” “Remember when…?” “Things are just not like they used to be.” "I wish I could go back..." 

I am especially reminded of this during the Christmas season because many of us are drawn to the tendency of focusing so much on tradition. As soon as the decorations come out, the festive music starts playing and we watch our favorite TV shows, we allow ourselves to be transported to another place and time. Many of us think back to Christmases that we experienced when were younger, and long for those nostalgic feelings that captured us then. In an effort to recreate memories of yesterday, we strive to re-create a Christmas that mimics those of our past. 

The problem with nostalgia is that it manipulates our focus to rest on something that doesn't exists. The past remains only in the memories of the ego, leaving us unable to relive the days that have been. The only thing in which we have control over is the present moment. The passage of time is an illusion, and ruminating on the past doesn't serve our highest good. The past is no longer. Tomorrow will be. Today is what it is.

As we come to the closing of the second week of Advent, let us remember to rest in the peace of the present. God once spoke to the people of Israel through the prophets of old, and revealed the coming of Christ. For a time God was silent, and God's people longed with nostalgia for the days when he spoke. But, it was in their present moment that God spoke again. Christ came into the world. No more longing. No more looking back. Emmanuel, God with us!        

Prayer

God, in the quiet of this moment, help us to live our lives in the all encompassing peace of your presence. Enable us to rest in the great blessing of the present moment, coming to the realization that it is all that exists. Free us from the illusion of time, opening our hearts to what is. In your presence, there is no past. There is no future. You are with us now, and that is more than enough.      

Amen